Lord of The Ring
by hemlock-spider
Summary: When Frodo gets "The Ring" tape,he must return it to the video store...or else..they will pay...rental fees!
1. The Dell guy

Once,like,there was this dude and he had,like,a video tape and it was all,like,spooky and stuff.And it wasn't the Paris Hilton one,okee?  
  
So,like,I used to sell Dell computers and I got arrested for smoking marijuna with,like,Gandalf while watching Finding Nemo.  
  
Oh,oh yeah.Where was I?Oh,okee.Sooo.. The dude made us watch a tape with stuff on it and we picked up the phone and it,like said we were gonna die in,like,seven days.  
  
But there was a war and explosions and oriental flavored noodles on our lunch break.So,the evil dude,guy,he,like,was,like:  
  
"Raar!"  
  
And I was like,"Dude you're gettin' a Dell!"  
  
And he was,like,"Sweet!"  
  
And then he dropped his tape,because his chimmychanga and slurpie were waiting for him at his house.  
  
And I got the tape,but,like,the elf guytold me to destroy it and I was like,"NO!"  
  
And I kept it and I died.Yep. 


	2. Chapter Two,bitches

Okee,so after he died he lost the tape and it came to Gollum,who was too busy watching pornoo off the web..oh..wait...it was actually re-runs from TRL,which really sucks because he has bad taste in TV.  
  
Then he lost his 'Precious' and Bilbo found it and did stuff with it.You don't want to know.  
  
Then I came to the Shire to return Pirates of the Carribean from,oh crap,wrong place.  
  
Uhh...well,I saw Frodo and he didn't have his British accent and I was saying,"Sup mah dawg."  
  
He said,"Word up,g."  
  
And there was a long akward silence then I said.  
  
"Wanna get stoned?"  
  
And he said,"Okay!"  
  
So after smoking with Frodo I headed over to Bag End.  
  
I knocked on the door and I herd Bilbo screech,"I don't want any solicitors!!"  
  
And I said,"What about old drug addicted friends?"  
  
He opened the door and hugged my leg,then it felt wet and uncomforatable.  
  
"Where have you been all these years?"  
  
"What ahve you've been drinking,little rummy?"I said fanning.He smells like doody.  
  
"Come in,come in."He said pushing me inside."Want something to drink?"  
  
"No thanks."I looked at him funny.Like this-Oo "So it's your one hundreth-eleventh birthday,is it not?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you leaving?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you leaving the tape?"  
  
"NO!It came to me..my own..My PRECIOUS.."  
  
"Precious?You had that tape too long,foo!Your gonna get your ass wooped,bitch style!!"  
  
"What the hell?!"  
  
"Nothing.."  
  
"Umm...that's what I though."  
  
Then the musical number began.  
  
Then I think I took a dump in my pants.  
  
"Let's go smoke some weed,then go to that partay,g."  
  
"Okee."I said.So we went to the party.Frodo looked sexy as hell.  
  
Oh crap.I shouldn't have said that out loud.  
  
So,I caught Merry and Pippin playing tricks,blah blah blah..Oh!Then Bilbo came up and did a speech.  
  
"My fellow Bagginses,Tooks,Proufoots.."  
  
"Proudfeet!"Someone shouted.  
  
"Shut up!"Bilbo yelled."I hate you all!Except a few,and Frodo,you look fine,boy!"He dissapeared.  
  
Frodo then had a cheesey surprised look,but Bilbo was right...he is fine looking!  
  
"Why must I be fine looking?!"Frodo cried."Why was I cursed with sexy good looks,and HUGR blue eyes and..."  
  
"We get the point."Everyone said. 


	3. Chapter Three:Frodo Speaks

God,I shouldn't have had that burrito.Oh,yes.Who are you?I'm suppose to do what?Oh,right,that...  
  
So,once I came home,Gandalf was smoking his crack by the fireplace.  
  
"Dil-er-I mean Bilbo left."I said in a morose tone.  
  
"No shit," he laughed.He offered me some,but I turned it down.  
  
I walked by the fireplace. "He left some tape by the fireplace.Since it was dangerous,I put it in a Hefty bag."  
  
"Uh,thanks?" I said.  
  
"You are suppose to take it to some video rental place,I think.Yeah."He said rolling up a dollar and snorting some coke.I made an icky-grossed out face,but what can I say:all my facial expressions are adorable.  
  
All of a sudden,there was a loud noise by the bushes.  
  
"Samwise!!Why can't you use your own bathroom?Oh...Umm...did you hear any of our conversation?"  
  
Samwise shrugged."Yeah...The part where you were saying Frodo was se-"  
  
"No,no.no not that...The tape!!"  
  
"Noo..not until now."  
  
I rolled my eyes.When the hell will this be done with?  
  
Author's note:Yes,yes...I know my chapters are short but that's because...Hmm...I really don't know.But I did see The Village last night.Maybe I'll even parody that movie.Or not.Damn, pancakes are good. 


End file.
